Falling in love. The Evolution.

Falling in love has changed evolutionarily. Biblically, it started from when God created man a woman and since they were only two roaming the only garden in the universe, it was just inevitable. God was the middle man as well. Very inevitable. Not to mention that the woman actually came from the rib of man. Super inevitable.

Creation Ministries International

Then it came to when God created so many other people and so He was the one who gave orders on who to get married or was to marry whom. He would come to you in a dream and tell you where to go, or what to do and that the other person who will do this or that is the person for you. And well, you had no choice but to do just that. I hear there is guy who spent over ten years working for his bride to be at his father-in-law’s so as to get his wife and in the end, he even got a bonus, her sister. Hahaha. Wasn’t God wonderful!

And then life moved into the Anno Domini era. We saw an angel as the match maker when He told Mary she’ll have a child (without sleeping with any man) and told the man that he’ll be a dad to a child he did not work for, literary. I am telling you this guy Joseph is the strongest husband in belief probably. Just imagine being told that in this present day. All the drama that would unfold.

And then come in the non-biblical archaeologists. These guys state that falling in love along long time ago was not that hard. All man had to do was to collect nuts, fruits and wrestle a bear or lion (I am shook as well here) or what not, bring it to his woman of desire and she would then decide to be it or not (is that really a piece of cake?). Sometimes physic also played part. The bigger and well-built the guy the greater were his chances of getting a woman. And both of them seem to be the norm these days. If you ain’t got the mulla, at least let your love and looks be top notch.

Now when I was going through my high school years. This is how we dated and or fell in love. It had all the drama Shakespeare would have made a very sold out play out of.

When a guy saw a girl he wanted, he got excited. Okay, that came out boring because it is always too common. But I am experiencing a writers’ block while I as well have the idea in my head at the same time so words are in here fighting. Okay, where was I? Yeah, got it. Here we go.

The dude (as we were called then) would get excited. The first people that got to know were his crew. The group’s approval was always very very important in determining who dated who. If they considered her off then dude, you had to call it off. No one wanted to have a mate rolling with a girl looking negatively peculiar. Like she just escaped a predator mass killing. Though some dated in the shadows without their crews noticing. Sneaky little bastards. Anyways, if the crew gave the green light then why not, dude got to dive right in. They would devise means on how to get her. Teamwork was always so very welcome because usually, quote me right, USUALLY, the guy was a player. Yup. Many of the guys in school were players. And if he had some air of celebrity around him, it doesn’t need rocket science to figure that out, right? It is because almost all girls wanted to hang out with a guy that every other girl dreamt of having. If he wasn’t a singer, then maybe a dancer, artist, writer, athlete or a bwat (academic champion).

So, the crew would arrange all possible scenarios of when or where the two met. They would lure the girl into a class room and then leave one by one until the two were together or they would send made up greetings from the guy whenever they met the girl. Or plant stuff in her books or bag or send it through her girls blah blah blah. Consistency has always been key. They would as well act as the A-team in case the girl was about to bump into the guy with another girl. Emergency measures activated. For guys like me, yours truly the author, my role included, apart from devising emergency plans, to giving guys words to vibe with or write letters for guys who did not have any literature art in them and send them to their dates. Oh, how silly it was seeing their girls smile and blush and did all that drama high school girls do when they get mail from their guys. Some even brought it to me to see and all I had to was be like “Oh, that’s some lovely piece he penned you right there. Dude really loves you”. Of course it was in the guy’s handwriting. Authenticity.

But the most dramatic of all phases was in expressing ones feelings and waiting for the reply. In this moment usually, the guy took over a whole week, month or term to get to it. He would look up the right words, usually disturbing us in our peace, look for a very good perfume, consult the Shakespearean gods, upgrade his marks in class. (Which girl fell for a dork?), be very vigilant in answering class questions. The guy literally did everything that would portray him in the good light. The damsel had to get the impression of a very hard working, intelligent guy. Dude, it was real work. Someone even adopted foreign accents, walking style and movie star facial expressions. You gotta look right. Today it was guys call lit!

So, we would buy airtime, bench for our parents’ or elder siblings’ phone (so before midnight struck, we would have to be in good terms with them) and load minutes or wait when the call rates dropped to about 2% and call the girls and talked through the night. In the dark. Vibing then was dope. No WhatsApp texting but actual voice call-dating. There were no lols and emojis we have no clue on how to react to. There was no blue ticking. She just did not pick your call. Straight up. Texting was by sms. No sending nudes. Oh how innocent we were. We wrote real letters. In English. This was the best vibing experience ever. The anticipation of waiting for a reply from your partner and then boom it would come floating in the evening after class or she would drop it in your stuff and you stumble on it by mistake or she would sneak plant it in your hands or pockets without anyone noticing then you would run to a secure place and read it and smile and dream and do all sorts if childish things. You would read that letter all day into the night and the days after. You had to reply. It was a must. And had to include a dedication part. That was a list of songs you would add to help you convey the message better. The lyrics would sum it all up.

The climax of all this hive of activities and circus, the guy would, in a very lonely moment (for two) either in the class corner, in a lonely class room, at the field together or anywhere as long as distraction was minimal, he would drop the words. In a way, the girls always knew it was coming. I mean, they too had been dated a lot and gone through this very ordeal so they always knew when the guy was about to drop it. And they always seemed surprised. Which was okay.

Her response was never immediate. Which was a good thing. It escalated the drama. It helped the guy cut a few extra weight and all. And it was usually a sign. I mean, the girl would usually ask for about a few days to a week to get back to you with a reply. That week or few days always seemed like an entire term, fam.

What were they even thinking about? I need a girl to give me an answer to this. What exactly took you so long to reply to a guy’s proposal? Were you weighing how much candy he could afford to buy you at the school canteen? Whether he was celebrity enough in school? Checking out your co-girlfriends? It was during this moment that she would put you in the hot seat and ask you all sorts of questions. They would bring out stories of the girl you dubbed at the school danke (our word for dance), the girl you winked at in the literature class. Some would tell you that when they grow up they wanted to be nuns and we would act sad, shocked and hurt just to play along. (psst, girls, that line was a bore, puhlease, I wish we had a way of telling you). She would ask why you drop your pants or walk with a limp. Why do you eat school lunch? (usually posho & beans) Two plates even. She would be confused of whether to date a bad boy or the good in you and yet it clearly showed that she wanted the bad in you. Damn! It seemed like trying to solve one of the mazes in Maze Runner.

All that was bliss until the day she says yes. One hour later, you will be staring into space asking yourself that now that she has said yes, what are we going to be talking about? How am I even supposed to run this thing? Was I in my right mind to do this?

…but these days things have changed. The guy and girl would meet, wine and dine, sleep together and after enjoying each other’s things and while basking in each other’s nakedness, the girl would ask, “But, what are we?” Now the guy’s answer would depend on how the sex experience was and this would determine whether they are going to be a couple or not. Wow!