The Other Man

In the dead of the night, she twisted & turned until she woke up in a startle. Feeling hot & sweating with a feeling of uncertainty. 

She looked at her companion sleeping next to her. She could only make out his outline in the dark, but the only thing she was sure of was that this wasn’t the man she was in love with. 

She’d thought that she did but now her gut finally opened up to what everyone else knew. She’d fought it but today, tonight, at this moment, she realized the truth. She’d lied to herself. The man that slept alone somewhere else, was actually the one, She, Really, Loved.

Day 14 of The Afrobloggers #Winterabc2021. Reasons Why Many People Who Go To Arabia Hardly Ever Survive The Streets When They Return.

The harsh reality of life that is affecting African countries is despicable. We have a very large youthful generation that is uncertain of their future. Job scarcity, poor
service delivery & resource distribution all mainly escalated by our poor African leaders. This has forced many youths to look to the vibrant Middle East as their only
savior. Without putting much emphasis on what one studied or is skilled at, the youths are willing to do any job available to make ends meet & secure their future. Jobs like security, cleaners, supermarket attendants, maids amongst others.


However, there is a common factor amongst these people; many of them who return from the Middle East tend to face it rough as time goes by.
Here is what I think are the reasons why;


Poor financial management knowledge and skills. – Many of them do make the money, yes, but there’s the aspect of doing what with it. A scenario; One can make say; 60 million. Maybe buys a house or starts a shop when they return. For the one with a house, they may lack knowledge to start a business with the remaining money so they pimp their house & sit back like as if in retirement. They eat the money either through acquisition of anything their mind desires or by hitting one luxury spot to the other till it all burns out & they have no option but to go back to make more.
The one with a shop; some people think that when they make the money, running a business comes easy. Damn. So they’ll pimp the shop & sit in it. Poor financial management skills will see the shop selling stock but not restocking because they
don’t know how to juggle the thing. Then they’ll say, ‘bandoga’ (they’re bewitching me). Poor Africans.

Poor skills and academic qualifications – Because they’re doing odd jobs, they can’t fit back into the corporate job sector because first; their jobs abroad can’t equate to something substantial in a corporate office setting. It’s hard to have been doing security the other side to come back & be hired for a PR job. Two; The house maid document can’t get one into the head of corporate banking sector this side mainly because, with being out of touch with the current dynamics of the corporate sector,
one lacks current accompanying academic documents for whatever job one wants to be hired for.


Others are detached from friends and family. – Bakukutta nga bagenda
(They’re usually hideous when going abroad) so when they come back, they hardly have anyone who can help them navigate around probably because they think everyone will want a piece of their money (which is largely true anyway). Because they ‘sneaked out’ without telling nobody, when they come back, some people who would help them settle & manage a life would care less. If you didn’t tell me when you was flying out, why do you need me when you’re back?
In Africa, once people know you have money, then they’ll make manifest their financial problems. So, upon your return, that’s when they’ll tell you of how the village home is leaking, needs painting, people will expect you to contribute millions for their events, that’s when your buddies will point you to the latest hangouts etc. They can’t settle till they’re sure you’ve burned out.


Faced with any of the above issues, the person will usually remain with one option; to fly back to kyeyo (odd job) so that they can sustain whatever they started otherwise many of them end up depressed as they watch their fortunes decline.

Happy 4th Anniversary To My Site

In July 2020, my site made 100 followers so by 2021, I wanted to make 150. When 2021 came, I’d already hit the 200th mark. All the way up. For that I am thrilled. The gradual growth always keeps me driving forward. 

2017 stats

Apart from the growth above, my site made 4 years this 3rd month of the year, March. Yeyyyy. It’s been a crazy journey so far. Damn! https://randomthoughtsofshadray.wordpress.com/2021/01/03/me-and-writing-the-genesis/

Growing a following is one thing. Creating content to keep that audience & attracting new followers is another but just like someone who is passionate about something, the effort has to be planted & each reaction on your blog celebrated. 

2018 stats

A lot of thanks is given to the very supportive African blogging community particularly the Afrobloggers community. From pushing our works to accommodating supportive people who’re not only open to collaborations but also sharing important creative tips that have enabled me to stay relevant in such a highly competitive field. 

2019 stats

Thanks also go out to my people who keep on reading & reacting to my pieces. You guys give me the energy. This new age couldn’t have been achieved if you haven’t been doing what you doing on my page. 

2020 stats

I love you all & I’ll try the best way I could to keep you hooked. 

2021 as of today.

Happy four years to us once again. 

Don’t Make Her A Single Mother

This is the women’s month and Women’s Day is just around the corner so I found it wise to send them this love letter… and to the men too. This is all about us…and it children.

A woman loved a man. She loved him hard and he played the part. Her dreams were coming true. She was going to be a wife to a loving man and then have him a couple of beautiful littluns making him a father and altogether become a beautiful family.

So when he wooed her heart, she gave to him one of her most precious assets, her sexuality. You can’t blame her because she looked at this man as the perfect candidate to make a family with. Probably because, in the course of dating, he presented that dream quite too often and seriously and so a child they got for a family she hoped they would make.

The bastard instead, was just for a joy ride so once the tot was delivered, off he ran. To the hills or the valleys, across the plains or the mountains no one knew for he disappeared faster than he came into her life. Probably to spread his horn further. A heartbroken female, he left behind. A dadless child he left behind. Abandoned.

Broken heart. Shattered dreams. Hurt emotions and literally a fatherless child with a husbandless mother. She now has to fend for not only herself but for her child too. It is like it was a mistake for her to give in herself to him. Like it was her blunder to leave every other suitor for him. Such a heartless coward.

The world has never really been a cool shade for single moms. The blame they go through for having given in to a man that couldn’t commit. The promiscuous stigmatization they are given. We tend to label them being loose. We tend to pile the blame on her and turn blind to the idiot that played with her heart. That failed to act like a man and take charge of the results from his horn. The struggle they go through finding another suitor that won’t traumatize them for what happened before. Bringing it up in every argument, the insecurities, the ignoring of the child that came with her. That it’s her responsibility and that he starts from where he came into her picture.

A single mother is like a sheep in the wilderness full of wolf packs. Like Survivor Island, she has to keep up or be left behind. She lives in denial of her reality. Having to hide the child from possible suitors thinking they will jump ship once they know she got extra ‘baggage’.  Many men will think she is loose and try to gain sexual favors from her or that she is in a constant disparate need for help (which may be true) and try to get sexual in exchange for help. That is a sad reality. Hardly will any of them try to commit. Many fear that responsibility. “How can I father a child I didn’t father?” It is sad. It hurts.

Now literary alone in the world, that is if her family didn’t ignore her too because many think it is taboo for a woman to have a child and not live with its father. A shame to the family name and also if the father’s family doesn’t treat her any different, she now has to fend for school fees so that the baby gets an education, medical care, housing, food, clothes, belonging and identity, and all this while the father, the husband that was supposed to be is out there sexing other women. Probably they also know that he absconded from his parental responsibilities somewhere but what the heck, he said he loves me too so let the sista find a way to survive with her kid am moving on with the man now.

To the families that are raising the boy child, please teach that boy before he thinks he is now a man that women ought to be respected, honored, cherished, protected and loved. That sex is not everything and once they take on the sex activities, they must be ready for the consequences that come after. That live sex doesn’t give birth to a TV, car or anything but a baby and it is that child, their own seed that they’re going to subject a lot of mental torture to the moment they decide to close the door on them.

Dear player, if at all you don’t have plans of making that woman your wife then don’t make her a mother for nothing. Withdraw, wear a condom or don’t sex her at all and if at all you aren’t ready to take care of a woman and her child then stay away from single mothers. It is that simple. It is not a life she called for.

 Just as well, dear woman, not everything male that says it loves you really does so you do not have to open your legs for them without protection just because they said they love you. Let that niga take his time dating you if need bes while in that moment you’re looking out for the father figure in him. There are always red flags to look out for and yes, some things are actually worth the wait if you’re committed to looking out for the best.

The Valentine’s Day That Broke Me.

Image by Ruffian on We Heart It

“I brought us flowers” your words still echo in my mind. 

I am seated right here trying to pick up the broken pieces, taking each day as it comes but it’s not an easy road. Valentine’s Day reminds me of the day I should have walked out on you but I stayed behind. Why? Because I loved how you lied to me. Rihanna. I was scared of being lonely. Akon. I vividly remember the night we planned something cozy indoors, dinner and a movie night. Lovers’ things. But the flowers on the table kept on hammering in the back of my mind. This whole flower thing was something new to us. Something wasn’t adding up. But I wanted to enjoy the moment with you. Have you to myself ‘cause you were mine. Or so I thought. Our first and last Valentines together. Something we didn’t know. I enjoyed our movie along with the dinner you prepared well. Off to bed we went, but my sixth sense wouldn’t allow me to rest so in the dead of the night, I woke up and had access to your phone. Damn! My gut feeling was correct. You were seeing someone else behind my back. She had bought ‘my’ flowers, and now everything started falling in and out of place. Can’t even make sense.

You had so much in common. The freedom and flexibility in your chats. No forcing matters. Lots of plans you had with her about the things I would beg you to do for me, with me, for us, you would freely give in to her. I was numb for some time. I’d lost my breath. What had I done to deserve this pain?

Valentine’s Day! I always looked forward to it. A day of spending quality time with my partner, but now one of my worst days as it reminds me of you. My ex partner. The red flowers here, yellow flowers there, all remind me of you. The painful us. How you lied to my face that she was just a friend. I tried to confront you, but it’s the lie you maintained. Our relationship was stained. Somebody had to walk away, and that was me. The beginning of our end.

I had to pack my bags for good and never look back for you had me broken. It has not been an easy road but I am picking up the pieces slowly. Valentine’s Day, oh! how that day broke me.

This beautiful piece is a masterpiece from the beautiful Linzimat from Zimbabwe. Safe to say, it’s a Uganda Zimbabwe romantic collabo. Follow her beautiful works on this her site; https://linzmati.wordpress.com