Thou Should Not Laugh At One’s Hustle.

If people really knew what a hustle can be. A real-life hustle on the streets; no job, no ‘connected relatives’, no cents for a meal but just you against the odds then they wouldn’t be laughing at this picture. Waking up to go out and hope lady luck shines on you that day. Living each day as it comes. Survival!

This photo was posted on Facebook where people found a lot of amusement in it & cracked all sorts of jokes about it. I don’t know whether it’s his fault to end up like this (hopefully not) but I think the people who laughed at this boy wherever they are, are living too lit a life, they don’t know what the hustle part of life really feels like. The dude doesn’t look like he was living a life on the beach, does he?

When you can’t even afford to find a building to get into to hide from the rain, can’t afford a car to board so that by the time it reaches your destination, it’s stopped raining nor do you have a relative or even a friend with an office where you can casually stroll in to shelter from the rain. You can’t just enter a Kampala restaurant & sit without ordering a soda because then, your transport money will be gone. Imagine walking home on mud-filled roads, cold bitten. That kind of situation where your last resort is to drop all your swag & prop yourself up a phone booth to shelter from the rain.

That is a real hustle life and people who found amusement in this picture, may God give them all they desire because I am not sure what they would do to their lives if tables turned.  

The hustle is real out here in case y’all ain’t opened your eyes wide enough to see it you privileged homo sapiens. Such situations are things we don’t laugh about it. Periodt.

Day 9 of The Afrobloggers #Winterabc2021 Gender-Based Violence. How We Can Stop It.

Gender-Based Violence. We have created a hopeless situation by mistreating people majorly according to their sex/ gender, socially, emotionally, physically, and psychologically.

The 2016 Uganda Demographic and Health Survey revealed that up to 22% of women aged 15 to 49 in the country had experienced some form of sexual violence. The report also revealed that 13% of women aged 15 to 49 report experiencing sexual violence annually. This translates to more than 1 million women exposed to sexual violence every year in Uganda.
Combating gender-based violence is not something that one person could only do but as a pool of different entities because of its hydra-like embedment in society. you deal with one then the other keeps rearing its head. However, below, simplistically put are some of the ways we could combat GBV.

1. Teach humanity values in schools. Right from the onset, children should be taught the values of humanity. The importance of one another regardless of skin, sex, tribe, or gender. It could easily be taught in schools because some of the homes from where these children come are run by people who never got the chance to be made aware of these issues and still practice them as normal but if we invest in the younger generation, we are sure they will pass this knowledge and awareness to generations and generations.

2. Strengthen education/ social awareness. Relatedly, Education systems should be woven around eliminating gender norms and practices through plays, classroom sitting arrangements, activity allocations, education material genderisations like stories & colors among others. Through this, children would develop without attaching gender stereotypes on the different objects, stories like associating colour pink to girls, toy cars to boys etc.

3. Strengthen gender ministries and how they could foster the eradication of gender stereotypes in the public. This could be done through partnering with the different gender departments within the ministries to organize conferences, seminars, and other activities where they could reach out to the public and tell them of the different gender biases in society and how to fight them. They could also be used to reach out to the different government departments and teach them about gender and how it is a disease in society and ways of eradicating it so that these departments could be aware and try as hard in eliminating it when designing their projects.

4. Strengthen social inclusion projects especially for the women or groups facing gender inequalities in the respective spaces where they are participating especially in activities that further support their freedom of expression and social wellbeing.

5. Enforce the use of law and the justice systems so that when people bring these cases to light, they are strongly and immediately responded to and the corresponding punishments are felt worthy. So many vices stay around due to the justice system’s failure to remit the right punishments thus not offering grave convictions that perpetrators would fear facing as according to their crimes.

In conclusion, therefore, gender-based violence is a vice that we could uproot if we all come as one because of the way it is woven into the different tiers and systems of society. We need the efforts of individuals, families, institutions, communities, states & transnational blocks to triumph over this demeaning behavior.

Of Good Character, Rashida’s Qualities…Of A Perfect Partner

Sometime in 2020, during one of those (#MeToo campaigns), There was a social media topic about people’s characters. Commonly, such topics involve qualities one looks out for in a partner. Amongst a number of comments on a certain post I can’t seem to find anymore was a comment by Rashida Namulondo, a poet and actress. I was so captivated by a fellow creative’s comment that I had to capture it and reproduce it for the world to see how beautiful she described qualities of her potential partner.

So, below she said…

‘’People are not perfect!  It depends on what you are looking for. Personally I want a good person, be it a romantic relationship, work relationship or friend. This is how I know a good person that I want in my life.

• How he treats people around him especially support staff like waiters and cleaners. How he treats colleagues under his supervisor and he is in a superior position than them. It’s very easy to see someone’s manners in these situations of power play.

• How open is he to the fact that he’s still learning, and that other people’s opinions and perspective on life counts just like his? Basically, I can’t handle people who think they are better than others and have this ‘I am right’ attitude.

• How does he handle conflict? Let’s say for example, he bumps into someone on the road. Does he accept blame or goes on cursing and denies blame. Now, I know even the best of people curse on Ugandan roads but there are people who go beyond. Also, is he the kind who can be able to take the courage to mend things whether it’s his fault or not?

• Does he have a plan in life and is he working courageously towards it? If he has no plan, is he the kind committed and interested in learning? Does he seek to improve his skills and take an extra mile to learn new things and skills? I can’t handle people who don’t strive to grow and be better than they were yesterday.

• Is he a grateful person? Does He acknowledge the mercy of God? The help of others who have helped him? Is he grateful and is he able to meaningfully acknowledge help?

• Does he take feedback? Is he able to take feedback without turning you into a bad person for giving him negative feedback and does he strive to change?

• How does he speak of people when they are not around? It’s okay to complain once in a while about someone who has wronged you at work etc. but constantly speaking evil of someone? Noo! Does he ever acknowledge the good things even the worst his enemies could have or has done for him in his life? What is his relationship with his relatives? Even the bad ones. 

• Now being a nice person doesn’t mean to be a push over. Can he stand up for himself respectfully without insulting others? Does he have boundaries and non-negotiables? And can he tell me the truth every single day even if it hurts?

• Finally, does he see me? Does he even notice I am there? How well does he know my dreams? My goals. My ambitions. (This question is key because it can only mean a person listens when you talk or even when you don’t.) I know people I hardly talk to but they can recite my dreams, my hopes, things that upset me and those that bring me joy off their lips. And there are those I am close to who even after so many conversations have no slightest idea about who I am, what I hope for, what angers me and what are my dreams.

A person who truly sees you. Knows your soul because they feel it. That is the one that truly cares about you.

NB. These may seem so many things but very often you will be surprised that a good person ticks off all these boxes.

Rashida Namulondo

Rashida is a Ugandan based actress, stage director, and award-winning poet. She is the founder of the Sophie Muwanika Institute of Art for Change. A nonprofit organization that uses theatre for peace building.

Personal Relationships & The Public

internet image

They have always advised that it is more better we keep our intimate relationships away from the public (These days, social media) because truth be told, not everyone is going to be happy about you too together and in the event that it hits some snags, there are some that are going to make the situation as dramatic as a telenovela. That is humanity. That is life. You would be saved from looking like a love failure. A life lesson for many and you’ll miss out on the peace that comes with silent relationship breakups.

But let me tell you, a relationship where people do not come up & tell you how good you are together is boring. It’s less charming. Once in a while we need to hear external minds about our relationships & from there we may learn a thing or two.

Sometimes we know less of the people who say they love us than the public or the people outside of our relationship. People that have been with them longer than we have & usually take some of their thoughts lightly until we are way in too deep a wrong relationship.

Much as we love our partners for our own selves (obviously), public interest is also very important. That’s why you’ll always find fun talking about your spouse to someone who cares to listen & usually seek advice the same way where necessary. Take relationship counsellors for example. There will always be that pride. Seeing the adoration on other people’s faces when you are talking about bae is priceless. Hearing them say how they wish theirs was like yours is unmatchable.

If your partner always endeavors to keep your relationship out of the public, including family then you’re in a tricky situation. They may be either protecting you from the haters or they’re hiding you from those that know their dark secrets.

However, you shouldn’t reveal all because this might give people who want to take you down a chance to know how to do it. Every relationship has its cracks and some people are too good or always out there looking for those cracks. The moment they land on them, the effect may be much bigger than the tsunami.

Of Promises & Trust Issues

I’ve met a friend who told me he doesn’t promise. Especially when it comes to love. For some things that have been done over & over again & their fail rate has remained constant, it should be understandable as to why they should be abandoned all the same.

He told me he’s been down that road very many a times. Always hoping for the best to come out of it. How he’s given in time, hopes & most definitely, his heart. He’s stripped himself bare trying to be the perfect one for these daughters of Eve. He told of his visions & made plans. How he’s groomed himself to each one of their recipe of perfection. Trying to be their ideal figure of a perfect gentleman & hopefully, a capable father to their kids and all of this coming with a promise that he’ll be the best they’ve ever had. The one they’ve always dreamt. I too have fucking been there.

When at the end of it all, I don’t know if I’ve not measured up enough. I don’t know if I’ve sinned all too much for God to acknowledge my dreams & help me keep my end of the promise but these daughters of Eve have always found any reason under the setting sun to walk out of my life like I am plagued. They’ve made me question my sanity, my ambitions, my esteem. I’ve fucking been depressed because of them. I’ve lost my mind & broken down terribly because I thought I was worthless & not good enough for anybody. Because if someone leaves you for no sensible reason, what exactly are you left to think the blame is?

Do you even know what it means for someone to make you promise & they also swear on those very promises & then they go ahead to break each & every promise they made? Each word by word to the very last like they’re ticking off some wish list without remorse, guilt or whatever you want to call it & then they get the mother fucking audacity to tell you to get over it? Like you’re some sort of emotionless creature with a stone heart & iron hide skin?

Do people know what it means to walk around with scars on your heart covering each inch of where your vision was? Of where your hope was? Of where your…promise was?

For crying out loud I got tired all the same. I resorted to living. Hoping that maybe, a rare daughter of Eve will simply love me as is & not make me fly on deceit & empty promises just to let me fall down like I am a wretch of this earth. I …. Don’t even know how to finish this.